Hi guys! I know it’s been a while, but I’m going to share a little bit of why it’s been so long for you today.
I’m going to try to be as honest as I possibly can for you guys so that you can really see into my life at the moment.
DISCLAIMER 1: I promise this post gets better so bare with me. It’s not all complaining!!
Life is so crazy right now. I know I’ve been saying this in every post that I publish, but I haven’t been 100% honest as to why I feel like it’s so crazy. Every day, I wake up and I think I’m not good enough for the life that I’ve been given.
I’m not a good mom.
I’m a horrible wife.
I can’t finish any of the work I’m given.
I can’t stand my body.
My school work is subpar (as are my grades).
And I can’t seem to figure it out. I just feel so empty, and I feel like no one cares, and I’m probably right, because everyone else is busy with their own lives. I feel like I can’t talk about my feelings because I’m supposed to be the glue that holds my family together, meanwhile, while I’m trying to do that, I feel like I’m completely falling apart. My whole life I’ve been told that I’m so steady and I just feel like slowly my life is deconstructing one by one and I can’t get it under control.
Trust me, I realize there are people out there with way bigger problems and that’s why it’s so difficult for me to share but I wanted to be honest with you all in regards to why I’m not really keeping up with my blog.
Random photo to break up the post.
DISCLAIMER 2: This is the part of you blog where you should just stop reading if you don’t love Jesus. Yes, I love Jesus and I’m going to talk about him a lot now.
I am going to attempt to get out of this funk that I’ve been dragged into.
I attend a church called Flatirons. If you are in Colorado, you should go because it is honestly life changing, if you’re not in Colorado, they have podcasts of their services or you can go to their website to watch them as well. Go visit their site here!
This past weekend they continued with the series that they are doing right now called Can People Really Change and it has blown my mind every week. I mean full blown tears. Again, just go listen. So this weekend they talked about the mind. Can our minds really change? Well I sure hope so, because I need it to. My mind is the culprit for pulling me deeper into this spiral and I need to get out. So, from listening to the service this weekend I have decided to make a game plan to help pull me up onto my feet again, and I’m going to share that with you all, so that you can hold me accountable. What’s this game plan you ask? Just keep reading.
The Game Plan
1. Read my bible every week day.
Like I said, I’m going to keep talking about Jesus so if you don’t like it, sorry I’m not sorry. I have been slacking in this region of my life and I honestly know that if I brush up on that relationship, everything in my life will start to fall into place.
2. Get a damn gym membership that I will actually use.
I have had a membership to 24 hour fitness for years and I hate going there. I either don’t feel like I have time because I consistently have Bauston with me and going at the butt crack of dawn or 11 o’clock at night just doesn’t work for me. So I’ve found a gym that includes babysitting into the membership and I just have to work up the courage to go and sign up, but honestly I’m nervous because I’m not fit and gyms are intimidating. Pray for me. Or just pressure me. ( No, I’m not talking about you Sean if you’re reading this. Is anyone else extra sensitive to what your spouses say, because I know I am.) I also really think this will be a great stress reliever for me.
3. Keep a calendar.
I mean a real, legit, by-the-hour calendar. I NEED this because my life is going to be crazy busy until I graduate in December, and let’s be real probably after as well. I was advised to not take 18 credit hours (6 classes) but I didn’t listen. I also don’t regret it because I’m going to be done sooner, but boy is it hard. I need to plan my days out days in advance. I’m thinking about doing this on Sunday of every week so that I know what all I need to accomplish that week so I can plan my blog posts, shoots, school work, gym time, house work, family time and all of the other crazy things that fill my time. Would you guys like to see my weekly plans either on Instagram or on my blog? If so, give me that feedback.
If you’re still reading, thank you! I know it’s hard reading a post about someone else’s problems especially when they seem so trivial. These three things are going to be a big help I believe, but I’m really going to need you all to hold me accountable because usually my game plans end after 1 week and I’m back into my slump. So if that means a prayer for me then please do it, or a quick message I would really appreciate it. I love you all so much and I’m honestly blown away by how many of you support me and even care about my life. It really means the work to me.
I will link the Flatirons podcasts below so that you can listen to this series if you want to as well!
Have a fantastic week and I will try and do the same.