I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be
Hi loves! Today, I’m switching things up a little bit a taking a break from the fashion side of my life (don’t worry, I’ll be back to that next week), and I’m going to be a little bit more personal and talk about this sweet little man and my story surrounding him.
I get asked all the time how old I am when I’m out and about with Bauston (my son), almost daily. When I give them the condensed version of my story I usually just get a “Wow”, “that’s crazy” or my personal favorite “Aww, babies having babies”. I thought I would just go ahead and give you all my story and give you my secret on how I actually did it.
As I mentioned in a previous blog post , I got pregnant the Summer before my senior year of high school. I was always the girl in my friend group that said if I ever got pregnant at a young age I would keep my baby. I’m pretty sure all of my friends thought I was out of my mind, and don’t blame them for feeling that way, but I knew that I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to terminate a pregnancy if it were to happen. For some reason I always had a feeling that it would happen to me and honestly I’m so glad it was me and not one of my old friends from high school.
The word spread like wildfire, as it would in any normal high school and by the first day of school I was the talk of everything, at least that’s how it felt to me. Whispers around every corner, people would stare in the hallway, even teachers knew and avoided eye contact. Yes it was difficult but the first few days weren’t that terrible, but I’m not a dramatic person and I like to go with the flow, so I tried to keep things low key and slip though the cracks. Unfortunately, as a cheerleader, that wasn’t really an option as soon as football season began. The first football game a parent organized for the student body to throw condoms at me, people would hand me condoms all the time and my only response was “You need them more than I do.” I saw a new facebook status or tweet about me almost everyday. I was prepared for people to be cruel and I was prepare to be disliked by most of my school, but there was one person who really supported me and shut down a lot of the cruelty, and that was my principle. I have never been shown so much grace and support from someone who had never met me before. I am still so very thankful to her and I truly feel that my senior year would have gone a lot differently if it weren’t for her.
I graduated from high school a semester early and don’t get me wrong, I had difficult seasons too that last semester. I lost friends. A lot of friends, most of them were just embarrassed to be my friend and I understand that now, but I think that was the most difficult part.
By the time I had my son in April, I had about four friends. Two of which I speak to now and two of which I don’t. Being a young parent changed me and made me grow up a lot quicker than most people my age and I didn’t really understand that. I thought that I would be able to continue to do the things my friends were doing but that’s not realistic with a newborn, and one by one I became completely friendless. I was lonely and sad a lot of the time, don’t get me wrong, I had my husband who has always been my best friend but losing all of the people I grew up with and loved through out my life sucked.
Bauston’s first year of life was probably the most difficult because I was trying to discover who I was, I was trying to make friends and be a normal 18 year old. Fortunately my support system was killer. My family and my husband were my rocks and I’m so blessed to have such an amazing support system.
It has taken a lot of time to finally figure out who I am and I think I’m still discovering that a little bit, but being chosen to be Bauston’s mommy has been the greatest blessing. I feel like I get too caught up in everything I’m doing that I forget to credit the one person who really has shaped me and made me the person who I am today, Baus! I hope he grows up to know that I would do anything for him and that he is and always has been my world.
This post isn’t to make you all feel bad for me or anything of that sort because I wouldn’t change the way things happened to me for anything! Instead I’m writing this post to share with you all how I was able to succeed after a major curveball was thrown at me at such a young age, and to inspire you all that no matter what happens to you, there’s always a way through it. But mostly, I want to share with you that I have finally discovered that I can be my own person aside from my son and so can you.
I have thought that I shouldn’t do certain things because I’m a mom, or I shouldn’t do things for myself because I’m a mom, but I feel like the only way I have gotten through all of the struggles I have faced, is by being my own person.
I have 3 pieces of advice to young mothers out there. Actually, you know what? These pieces of advice can go for anyone.
1.You can be whatever you want to be.
Don’t let people tell you how you should be, what you can and can’t post on social media, what you can and cannot do. IT IS YOUR LIFE. I made the mistake to try and please everyone in my life and I wasn’t happy. I was drained. I finally came to the realization that these people who are trying to tell me how I should be are just people, and they cannot control my life. I don’t have to dress like the typical mom because everyone else is, I can be my own person and I can express myself how I want.
2.Do it anyway.
I can’t tell you how many times I have been told not to do things because someone else doesn’t understand it. Obviously, I’m talking within reason, don’t go out and do a bunch of drugs and be like “Ella told me to do it anyway”. No, I’m talking about chasing a career, or traveling to that place, or moving across the country. You get one life, use it wisely. Don’t let others make you feel small for having big dreams, and definitely don’t listen to them when they tell you that you can’t, because you can.
3.Be confident and be kind
I think the only way that I got through the rough time of my life being judged by everyone I knew was by being confident. Even if I wasn’t feeling like I was, I still pretended I was, because I knew if I let all of those people see me break they would know that they had power over me. It was hard, and it took a long time for me to believe in myself. But now, I do what I want to do, in confidence. I don’t take offense when people don’t understand what I’m doing, because they don’t have to understand it. I’m confident in myself and my abilities and that’s all that matters. Along with confidence, kindness goes the long distance. Maybe someone doesn’t understand you or your passions or why you chose to have your baby or why you are moving to that place or why you quit your job, but being kind to them will only prove that you know who you are and what you are supposed to do in life and I promise they will come around, as long as you’re kind.
Sorry that was such a long post, but I really felt that I was important to share with you all how my life has changed and how I see things now.
Yes, I’m 22 years old. Yes I have a 4 year old son. Yes He is my world. But, moms can be fun, moms can be sexy, moms can be fashionable. I hope that i can give you that confidence through my blog.
I also was everyone to know that if you are struggling with being a young mom or you need someone to talk to, I would love to be there for you. I didn’t really have anyone who was in my shoes to talk to and I feel like that could have been very helpful at times, so I really want to be there for anyone who may need it!
Thanks you for taking the time to hear my story and I hope I was able to help someone out if it! Love you all so much! Have a great rest of your day!